Really bad day

Lucy at the Mom/baby group this past Thursday

Bumbo Chair

This is a long blog, so make sure you have a few minutes to read through. Yesterday was a really really really bad day. I felt like there was a black cloud just following me around causing bad things to happen. The worst part about it was that it was supposed to be a really great day that I was so looking forward to. Bethany was going to come and watch Lucy for a few hours, and I was going to go get a massage and then study for a few hours (for my board exam in a month).



The first bad thing that happened (really minor in the grand scheme of things) is that I logged onto the computer and checked our bank accounts as I do every few days or so, and saw that a bank account that we rarely use and don't keep much money in was overdrawn because of an automatic deposit from OHSU that apparently was a mistake and was reversed causing the account to be overdrawn (we thought it was a small end of the year tax credit, but apparently it was just a mistake).



The worst thing that happened yesterday came next. I was sitting on the couch breastfeeding Lucy. Bethany and her son Freddie arrived and let themselves in as they usually do if I have my hands full with Lucy. For some really strange reason, Daisy started growling at them (she's been around them many times, so this was really weird), but I think she maybe did this because she couldn't see clearly that it was someone she knew and they just came in the house on their own without me opening the door for them. I scolded Daisy for growling, but she just continued to growl. This made me a little nervous because Freddie is a toddler and although she's never hurt a fly, I didn't like her growling. So I scooted down the couch to touch Freddie and let Daisy know he's our friend. There was a drink that I had stupidly placed next to where I had been sitting on the couch. When I scooted back down to where I was sitting, the drink tipped over. Without even thinking, reflexively, I quickly grabbed for the spilling drink. In that horrible moment, I think my quick jerking caused Lucy to roll off the breastfeeding pillow, face first, onto the carpet below. I was MORTIFIED. I've always worried and thought about how terrible it would be if I were ever to accidentally drop her or stumble while holding her, and this was my worst nightmare coming true. I don't know how I could have even let go of her for a second...all I can come up with was that I just did it as a reflex without even time to think. Of course she was crying, and I picked her up so fast, and she stopped crying really quickly. I was crying, but she seemed fine. She was smiling and acting like her normal self. There wasn't a mark on her, and she was moving all around just as she always does. I called Chris in hysterics, and he calmed me down, reassuring me that if she was hurt, she would be crying and upset, and she only had cried for about 5 seconds. She's cried much longer than that for something as small as her accidentally scratching her face. I knew she was OK, but I felt such terrible guilt for letting that happen. Even today, I keep replaying it in my head...I'm just so thankful she's OK...I know we were so blessed because she could have been seriously injured. She went through the rest of the day just happy as could be, eating well, sitting & playing in her new bumbo chair, and she even slept for 5 and 1/2 hours last night in her bassinet...this is a new record! And she was exactly 8 weeks old yesterday.



Anyway, after calming down and realizing she was just fine, I went to go pump some milk for her before I left for my appointment. Of course since everything I was touching that morning was somehow getting screwed up, my breast pump wasn't working (turns out I just didn't have everything connected properly).



I finally get out the door to leave for my appointment, pretty frazzled but looking forward to some relaxation, and as I'm leaving the neighborhood about a quarter mile from our house, somebody runs a stop sign at a 4-way stop and smashes right into the Subaru on the rear driver's side. My car spins around from the force of the impact and the back of the car hits a telephone pole. The tears just wouldn't stop flowing. I couldn't believe this bad string of events that happened. Thankfully, I was fine, just very shaken up. I felt very sorry for the other driver...she was a woman about my age. She was hysterical and so apologetic, admitting she didn't see the stop sign. As upset as I was, I couldn't be angry with her...after all, because of my mistake earlier that morning, I could have caused serious injury to Lucy, so I was definitely in the mindset of accidents happen and just thankful that her & I were unharmed. So poor Chris got his second hysterical phone call that I was in a car accident and needed him to come home. Of course he got there right away and took care of everything. My car needs about $5000 in repairs and it will take about 3 weeks to fix. The other driver's insurance company of course is accepting complete liability and is taking care of everything including the rental car.



As horrible a day as this was, I have to admit that it could have been so much worse. Lucy and I are both just fine, the car will be repaired at no cost to us, and even the small things with the bank account and breast pump are resolved. The hardest thing is just letting go of the guilt and the image in my mind of sweet little Lucy falling. Anyway, today has been relaxing. It is a very snowy day in Portland. Chris, Lucy & I had breakfast this morning with friends Dianna and Aaron and Chris is taking care of Lucy this afternoon to give me a chance to study. Above is a picture of Lucy happy as can be last night in her Bumbo chair. I hope my next blog will be a lot shorter and uneventful...thanks for listening (reading).